A High Price
by Barbara Kennedy
Summary: Severus suffers lasting injuries in an explosion when he tries to save a family from a burning house after he and other Death Eaters trap them inside
1. Aftermath

A High Price  
  
By: Barbara Kennedy  
  
Disclaimer: This story is a total creation of my mind but the  
characters belong to J.K. Rowling. It is probably totally  
Alternate Universe, so if anything I put in here doesn't match  
up with any of the books, tough luck, just take my word for it  
that it happened in this reality.  
  
This is going to be almost totally from Snape's point of view.  
I'm not sure where the story will end up yet either. It's a bit  
dark and angsty but maybe something good will come of it.  
  
This is for everyone that has been asking for me to write  
another story. Here you go.  
  
~*~*~*~*  
Chapter one - Aftermath  
  
An explosion, fire, noise, pain, crushing, fear, darkness.  
  
Drifting, floating, more pain, light, voices, cool liquid  
flowing into my mouth and carrying me to quiet darkness again.  
  
Movement, darkness, voices, lights, pain, floating, water on my  
skin, cool liquid on parched lips, voices calling me, pain,  
spinning back to darkness.  
  
Voices calling and a cool cloth on my face bring me back to some  
awareness again. I turn my head slightly and moan, a voice calls  
my name again. "Severus? Poppy, I think he is waking."  
  
A glass is lifted to my dry lips and I eagerly swallow whatever  
is offered.  
  
I can sense light through my closed eyelids. It is bright, so it  
must be daytime. My whole body feels weighted down. I slowly  
open my eyes as I become accustomed to the light but it still  
hurts my eyes.  
  
"Severus, dear boy, can you hear me?"  
  
I recognize the voice, Albus Dumbledore.  
I cough and my dry throat is raspy as I whisper. "Yes, I hear  
you, Albus." I slowly focus and his face becomes clearer. He  
lifts my head and brings the glass to my lips again. This time  
it is not water, but a healing potion. Some of the heaviness  
leaves my body as I drink it but my limbs still seem leaden.  
  
"Why can't I move?"  
  
Madam Pomfey appears in my line of sight. "It is only an  
Immobilius Charm, Severus. You were terribly hurt in an  
explosion. A large beam fell across you, breaking your legs and  
pelvis, among. among other injuries. You have been kept immobile  
so you can heal properly. You have been unconscious for three  
days. We were afraid you had been deafened by the blast as well.  
You were bleeding from your ears when you were dug out of the  
rubble."  
  
"I don't remember much of it. All I remember.is.. Children,  
Albus, there were little children there! Albus, we - the Death  
Eaters, we were.."  
  
His quiet voice assures me. "Calm down, Severus. They all got  
away safely. You were the only one hurt when the explosion  
happened. You didn't make it to the door before something in the  
house exploded from the fire and the house collapsed on you. By  
some miracle you weren't burned."  
  
"I had cast a Fire-Protection Charm - on my cloak before I -  
went back in after - after the others left."  
  
I'm beginning to tire, the effort of speaking is too hard and  
the memories are disturbing. I close my eyes.  
  
"Severus! Severus, don't go back to sleep yet. You need to take  
a couple more potions." Poppy lifts my head gently and brings a  
flask to my lips, the liquid is thick as cream, but gritty. I  
swallow it with difficulty as it hurts the dry tissues of my  
throat. "It is a bone-knitting draught. It will speed your  
recovery. I didn't think you were strong enough for it before.  
Now here, you can wash it down with a sleeping potion. You  
should be much stronger when you wake up tomorrow."  
  
My eyes are closed and the darkness pulls me into its embrace  
once more, but I can still hear their voices before I am fully  
asleep.  
  
"Don't you think we should have told him about the rest of his  
wounds, Poppy?'  
  
"No, I don't think he was strong enough to hear about it yet,  
Albus..."  
  
To Be Continued.. 


	2. The Price Revealed

A High Price  
  
By: Barbara Kennedy  
  
Disclaimer: This story is a total creation of my mind but the  
characters belong to J.K. Rowling. It is probably totally  
Alternate Universe, so if anything I put in here doesn't match  
up with any of the books, tough luck, just take my word for it  
that it happened in this reality.  
  
This is going to be almost totally from Snape's point of view.  
I'm not sure where the story will end up yet either. It's a bit  
dark and angsty but maybe something good will come of it.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
Chapter 2 - The Price Revealed  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The first thing I am aware of as I wake this time is the sound  
of footsteps of someone briskly walking past my bed and then the  
sound of curtains being thrown open.  
  
I open my eyes and am able to focus easily this time in spite of  
the bright sunlight streaming in the open curtains, which still  
hurts my eyes. I still am unable to move much more than to turn  
my head slightly, but the overwhelming weakness has left me.  
  
I hear a door open. Albus walks into my sight next to my bed.  
"Hello Poppy. I thought I'd pop in to see how he's doing. Ah,  
I'm glad to see you are awake, Severus."  
  
Madam Pomfrey pops into view on the other side of my bed. "Good  
morning, Professor. You'll be glad to know that you probably  
won't need to be kept under the Immobilius Charm after today.  
Thanks to the bone-knitting draught, your pelvic and leg bones  
are almost healed now, but you still have other wounds that will  
take a few days yet to completely heal."  
  
My voice is still raspy and faint. "I am glad to hear that,  
Madam Pomfrey, but what about these 'other wounds'? I heard you  
both discussing it as I fell asleep yesterday."  
  
"Oh dear, you heard that, did you?" Poppy sounds strangely  
distressed and exchanges one of those 'meaningful looks' with  
Albus.  
  
"Come now, Poppy, did I obtain yet another scar or two that you  
think will distress me? I doubt I will look any worse than I did  
previously. You said that I wasn't burned, so it can't be that  
bad. I'm not going to scare the ickle firsties, am I?"  
  
"Severus, please, it isn't easy to tell you this. You were very  
close to the source of the explosion when it occurred. Do you  
remember what you were doing immediately before it happened?"  
  
I think for a moment before I answer her. "No I don't, my memory  
of the entire evening is rather sketchy. I remember some parts,  
but not others. Just what does that have to do with it?"  
  
I am starting to lose my temper at their avoidance of answering  
my simple question. Why is it that hard to answer? What could  
possible be wrong?  
  
Albus lays his hand on my shoulder and leans close over me,  
looking me straight in the eyes. I notice his eyes are not  
twinkling. Where is that accursed cheerful twinkle now when I  
suddenly really need to see it?  
  
"Severus, in the explosion you lost. . ." He closes his eyes and  
pauses as if he can't bring himself to say it. He swallows and  
tries again. "Severus, your left arm was severed just below the  
elbow. They never found it after the fire."  
  
All I can do is stare numbly into his eyes for a moment as my  
heart lurches, then a scream wells up from the bottom of my soul  
and cannot be contained.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
I fall unconscious again.  
  
To be continued.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I know. ~sigh~  
You all hate me now.  
Another evil cliffie, it is all the better to make you review,  
my pretties. . .  
Leave a review, but this isn't the end of the story, more  
surprises ahead.  
Remember, I love Severus, too. 


	3. A Helping Hand

A High Price  
  
By: Barbara Kennedy  
  
Disclaimer: This story is a total creation of my mind but the  
characters belong to J.K. Rowling. It is probably totally  
Alternate Universe, so if anything I put in here doesn't match  
up with any of the books, tough luck, just take my word for it  
that it happened in this reality.  
  
This is going to be almost totally from Snape's point of view.  
I'm not sure where the story will end up yet either. It's a bit  
dark and angsty but maybe something good will come of it.  
  
Author's Note: My Severus-muse has fought me over this chapter  
ever since I finished the second one. I had to rewrite it three  
times! Then I decided, if he wasn't going to cooperate, I'd just  
write it into the story and it all came together.  
  
This chapter is dedicated to Logospilgrim and Snapefan51. They  
have been more help than they realize.  
  
*indicates thoughts*  
~stressed words~  
______________________________  
CHAPTER 3 - A Helping Hand  
______________________________  
  
*No, I don't want to wake up.*  
  
"Severus, dear boy, wake up now."  
  
*What purpose is there in ever waking again? There is only pain  
and desolation for me there.*  
  
"Come on Professor Snape, please, wake up. There is no reason  
you should still be unconscious."  
  
I dive even deeper into the darkness, but the voices persist in  
calling me, wanting me to come to them.  
  
"Wake up. You must eat something, it has been five days and you  
will starve if you don't eat soon. You won't heal any further  
until your body gets food, Severus. You are beginning to waste  
away."  
  
*I don't care, go away.*  
  
I try to shut out the voices.  
  
*Just leave me alone!*  
  
"Alright, Severus, you leave me no choice."  
  
Suddenly I am being jerked out of my dark hiding place like a  
fish on a hook.  
  
I recognize the effects of an Enervate; I've had plenty of them  
used on me during my lifetime as well.  
  
Still, I refuse to open my eyes. I'm afraid they will see my  
weakness, my fear. . . my tears.  
  
*I don't want their pity.*  
  
*Won't they just go away and leave me alone?*  
  
*Why did they even try to save me? What use am I now, to myself  
or anyone else?*  
  
Someone shakes my right shoulder and, before I realize that I  
can move now, I lash out blindly with my right hand.  
  
SMACK  
  
*I struck . . . someone. Who did I just hit?*  
  
I quickly open my eyes now because I must know who I hit.  
  
There beside me stands Albus Dumbledore Headmaster of Hogwarts,  
hatless, holding his nose, his glasses askew on his face and his  
eyes are watering. He has a very surprised look on his face.  
  
*Oh no, I've hit the Headmaster, but I cannot say I'm sorry,  
actually, I'm almost glad.*  
  
I needed to hit something and I still want to lash out and make  
them leave me alone.  
  
"Petrificus Totalis!" Poppy has placed me under a full body  
bind. "~Severus! Stop it, calm yourself!~. . . Albus, are you  
hurt?"  
  
"No Poppy, nothing is broken, I'm surprised, not hurt. Really,  
Severus, if that is the worst you can do, dear boy, I can see  
why Poppy is so worried about you."  
  
He looks amused as he adjusts his glasses, instead of being mad,  
as I would have expected him to be if someone had just punched  
him in the face.  
  
I cannot even speak while under the full body bind, so I just  
glare at him.  
  
*How dare he find anything about my condition ~amusing~?*  
  
"Now, please, listen to me Severus. I know you have suffered a  
traumatic loss, but it ~is not~ the end of the world. Your  
wounds have almost healed, it is time to stop feeling sorry for  
yourself and work at regaining your strength. You still have  
your classes to teach and the Slytherins need someone to guide  
them. You ~are~ still their Head of House."  
  
He motions his hand at me and Poppy's charm is broken. My  
frustration and anger just pour forth, like a dam bursting at a  
weak point.  
  
"How the HELL am I supposed to teach with ONE HAND, Albus? How  
can I even do a simple potion? How can I hope to survive if . .  
.if. . ."  
  
I am screaming at Dumbledore. I find myself waving my arms in  
agitation until . . .  
  
I see . . .  
  
my left arm . . .  
  
minus a large part of it.  
  
There is still a large white bandage wrapped around the stump  
below my elbow.  
  
I stop and stare at it. Anything I was about to say goes  
completely from my mind. With my mouth agape, I find myself  
shivering and gasping for breath.  
  
*I wasn't prepared for this, how could I be?*  
  
*Bloody hell! I AM NOT going to cry! I will not show weakness!*  
  
My vision blurs as tears threaten to leak from my eyes in spite  
of my effort at self-control.  
  
My voice is only a whisper. "M - Mer - Merlin's beard, Albus, it  
- it really ~is~ gone - I . . ."  
  
I try to deny what I see, it cannot be real, but it is. In that  
one desolate moment I do not think I have hope for a future  
anywhere. No one would want to employ a crippled ex-Death Eater  
Potions Master who cannot even make a simple potion anymore.  
That is, if I survive long enough outside of Hogwarts to worry  
about a job.  
  
Seeing my shock, Albus speaks sharply, obviously demanding my  
full attention. He looks very stern.  
  
"SEVERUS! Listen to me. You CAN teach and do potions and  
anything, within reason, that you could do before your accident.  
You still have your wand hand. As for anything else, you will  
just need to use some new tools to assist you, much like this  
one."  
  
While Dumbledore is speaking, Poppy is carefully measuring what  
I recognize as a Calming Potion into a glass from a tray near my  
bed. Since I am shaking so badly, she raises my head and brings  
the glass to my lips, making sure I drink all of it. She eases  
me back onto the pillow and I lower my arm and hide it back  
under the covers.  
  
Albus leans down and picks up a long case from under my bed and  
places it on the foot of the bed next to me.  
  
It looks like a long and narrow black chest, embellished with a  
colorful Hogwarts crest flanked on each side by a Slytherin  
snake and a phoenix, all positioned in the center of the top.  
  
By the time Albus opens the case, the Calming Potion has taken  
affect. I have ceased shivering and I can somewhat control  
myself again.  
  
I'm willing to listen to whatever hope the Headmaster has to  
offer me, for now.  
  
"Quite a few people got together to create this item for you  
after they heard what happened and how you were hurt. Many of  
them are students, Severus, but not all, as you might surmise  
from the fine case they made for it as well. I will admit that I  
helped just a little."  
  
Albus reaches into the case and presents me with - an arm. He  
holds it nearer so I can see it closely.  
  
I am fascinated yet repelled by it at the same time. I cannot  
bring myself to touch it.  
  
It is made of a highly-polished dark wood, much like the ebony  
of my wand, with what appears to be a padded black dragon skin  
'cup' to fit over the end of my stump. It looks much like a fine  
artist's sculpture of my own missing left hand down to the nails  
on each finger.  
  
I'm secretly touched and impressed by the fine work that must  
have gone into its creation, but I cannot see its purpose aside  
from cosmetic appearances. An illusory Glamour would do as well  
to hide my deformity.  
  
"Just how is this wooden 'thing' going to help me to do all  
that, Albus?"  
  
"There are several permanent charms on it to make it easier for  
you to wear and use, Severus."  
  
"Use, Albus?" I scoff at his choice of words. "For what, a  
club?"  
  
"Yes, Severus, I said ~use~. This arm was not just made for  
appearances. It is a working hand, charmed to move at your  
command. When you are wearing it, you will be able to pick up  
something as fine as a single hair, as fragile as an eggshell or  
lift a heavy cauldron with it. It does have limits though.  
Although it will move almost like your own hand, I'm afraid you  
won't be able to feel much with it. You will be able to tell  
when you ~are~ touching something, and how hard, but I'm afraid  
you won't be able to tell if it is hot or cold, smooth or rough.  
You will have to use your other hand to feel those things"  
  
I'm speechless. If it can truly do all those things, then it is  
an incredible amount of effort put into this gift in so short a  
time. I'm sure the look on my face said volumes to Dumbledore.  
Perhaps I do see a small glimmer of hope for my future.  
  
"Who thought of such a remarkable thing? Was it you, Albus?"  
  
"It was very much a group effort, my boy, but the initial idea  
can be credited to Miss Hermione Granger, I believe. She  
approached me and proposed that this be made for you after she  
heard the news of your accident. I suggested that she should  
enlist people from all four of the school houses and the Order  
to help with the project and I volunteered my help as well."  
  
"Do you mean to tell me she got ~all four~ of the Houses to  
cooperate on this?"  
  
"Yes, Severus, she did, as well as persuading a number of the  
teachers here at the school to help out."  
  
Poppy breaks in. "That is enough for right now Headmaster, you  
can tell Severus the rest later. He must eat while he still has  
strength to do so. Put it away please."  
  
"Yes, Madam Pomfrey, you are right. I don't want to overtax  
Severus." He takes the arm and puts it back in its case, then  
slides it back under my bed.  
  
Madam Pomfrey then turns to me with a stern warning in her eyes.  
  
"Severus, you need to let your arm heal a while longer before  
you can try your new prosthetic hand. For now, you need to eat  
and drink so you CAN heal some more. I don't dare give you any  
more sleeping or healing potions just yet. You are too weak now  
from starving for four days. Your body has no reserves left  
after the healing it has already done and you are beginning to  
get dehydrated. I need to make sure you eat as often as I can to  
build up your strength and get your body to heal. If you don't  
eat, I'll be forced to use muggle medical methods to give you  
liquids. I know how to set up an intravenous line and I'm  
prepared to use one if I must." [Author's note; the healing  
potions need something to work with, I figure.]  
  
"Alright, blast it woman, quit your infernal nagging. I'll eat,  
if only to shut you up. You know I don't care for muggle  
medicine."  
  
She raises the head of my bed and props me up with pillows then  
sets a tray in front of me. I feel some pain in my lower body as  
I am moved, a reminder of my other injuries not yet fully  
healed. "Eat now Severus. You should have no trouble managing  
it. Finish everything on the tray, then you must rest some  
more."  
  
At least everything on the tray is manageable one-handed and I  
can only assume the menu was chosen to be nutritious yet easy on  
the stomach because the selection is rather bland and boring. I  
am hungrier than I can remember being in a long time, though, so  
I do as she says without much complaint or resistance.  
  
Albus draws a chair up beside my bed as I eat. "How do you feel  
now, Severus? Shall I tell the Slytherins that you will be back  
soon? They do seem worried about you."  
  
"Yes, alright, Albus, you can tell them that I will be able to  
see them sometime soon."  
  
Albus looks much relieved at my agreement and smiles again.  
"Very good Severus, they will be delighted to hear it. You rest  
now and follow Madam Pomfrey's instructions. I'll leave you now.  
Just work at regaining your strength for now and finish healing.  
You are still needed here, Severus." With those words Albus  
Dumbledore took his leave of the Hospital Wing.  
  
After I finish eating, Madame Pomfrey gives me a potion to ease  
pain and I soon fall asleep again.  
  
To be continued. . .  
_______________________  
  
Well, this chapter was a little longer than the previous ones (8  
pages in Word.) Is everyone a little happier now?  
I just want to thank every one of my reviewers. I won't be  
thanking everyone individually as I just don't have time to do  
that, but I want you all to know I really treasure your  
opinions, ideas and encouragement.  
That said, how about a few words in review, please? 


	4. A Small Setback

A High Price  
  
By: Barbara Kennedy  
  
Disclaimer: This story is a total creation of my mind but the  
characters belong to J.K. Rowling. It is probably totally  
Alternate Universe, so if anything I put in here doesn't match  
up with any of the books, tough luck, just take my word for it  
that it happened in this reality.  
  
This is going to be almost totally from Snape's point of view.  
I'm not sure where the story will end up yet either. It's a bit  
dark and angsty but maybe something good will come of it.  
  
*thoughts*  
~stressed words~  
  
**~~**~~**~~**  
Chapter Four - A Small Setback  
**~~**~~**~~**  
  
//The dream//  
  
*I feel panic rise, my pulse racing.*  
  
Flames crackle; lick up the walls and across the ceiling.  
  
*Lungs burning! Hold your breath, don't breathe the fire.*  
  
*Is everyone out? Run! Get out!*  
  
Turning, turning, searching.  
  
*Oh God, can't see, too much smoke!*  
  
Must risk left hand, feeling for some way out, skin blistering  
in the heat.  
  
*Merlin help me, where's the bloody door?*  
  
*I can't find the door! I'm trapped! LET ME OUT!*  
  
-KAHBLOOM!-  
  
//End dream//  
  
I wake screaming in a blind panic, scrambling to get away.  
  
-THUNK-  
  
I've rolled and fallen out of the bed backwards - headfirst. My  
legs are tangled in the covers, suspending me upside-down from  
the bed. I'm still panicked and disoriented, twisting and  
struggling weakly to get loose from the tangle in spite of the  
jolt of pain shooting through my left leg, hip and side. With  
eyes clenched tight, I'm still screaming in fear of being  
trapped in the fire.  
  
"~SEVERUS!~ Poppy, come quickly, he's fallen out of bed." I hear  
Professor McGonagall's voice above the pounding of my heart and  
my own hoarse cries. It is enough to make me stop screaming. I  
hear sobbing and realize it is my own.  
  
*How did I get here? What happened?*  
  
I open my eyes, but the world is slanted and spinning. My  
shoulders are touching the floor, arms flung to the sides, my  
head and lower body throbbing with pain.  
  
McGonagall reaches me first and tries to calm me. "Severus, stop  
struggling, you will only hurt yourself."  
  
Madam Pomfrey's voice comes at the same time. "Immobilius,  
Wingardium Leviosa!"  
  
I am unable to move and find myself floating up from the floor  
to settle back onto the bed.  
  
My head is still throbbing and the movement makes me nauseous.  
  
Poppy barely finishes her "Finite Incantatem" when I gasp "Sick"  
and just manage to lurch over the right edge of the bed to vomit  
on the floor.  
  
A cool hand on my shoulder holds me steady as I retch weakly,  
another hand pulling hair back from my face and supporting my  
head until the retching stops and I lie there panting.  
  
I don't have strength to turn myself over, so the cool hands  
pull me over to lie on my pillows again. It is Minerva  
McGonagall, looking slightly green herself, who has supported me  
and kept me from falling out of the bed again. Her usually-stern  
face looks shocked.  
  
*Is this the first time she has seen me since the accident? At  
least she has the good grace to look me in the eyes and not  
stare at my arm.*  
  
Poppy clears the mess away with a quick "Evanesco" and turns to  
the tray on the table near my bed. "Here drink this, slowly now,  
it will settle your stomach." A cup is offered and I drink. It  
tastes of honey, mint and ginger. I recognize a simple yet  
effective herbal tea stomach remedy. It also effectively gets  
rid of the nasty taste left in my mouth.  
  
My breathing is still rapid, with a hitch that sounds like a  
sob, and I'm still quivering with reaction to the nightmare that  
caused all this in the first place. There are tears on my face.  
  
I am embarrassed to be seen in this weakened state, but, at the  
moment, I don't have the energy for my usual temper. I just  
close my eyes, wishing that both the pain and my witnesses would  
go away.  
  
Poppy washes my face with a cloth she has produced from  
somewhere then takes my wrist to check my pulse, which is fast.  
I open my eyes again and she looks closely at them, pulling back  
each eyelid for a clear view. "Severus are you in pain anywhere,  
did you hit your head when you fell?  
  
I speak quietly, afraid that the noise will hurt my head. "Yes,  
in back, if I move it makes me nauseous, but I don't think I'll  
vomit again. If I keep my head still, the room almost stops  
spinning. My left side hurts most; around hip and thigh more  
than everywhere else."  
  
"Before I move you any more, let me see what damage has been  
done. Just lie still and try to calm down. I take it you had a  
nightmare?"  
  
My answer, "Yes, the fire." is barely a whisper. I close my eyes  
again and try to control my breathing.  
  
I hear Poppy chant her diagnostic charms and move slowly around  
the bed. Minerva's footsteps move away, giving her room to work.  
  
"You've got a bit of concussion, I'm afraid, Severus. I'm sorry;  
I shouldn't have moved you so fast. It is what made you  
nauseous. I'm glad to say you haven't suffered any other damage,  
but you have slightly stressed your pelvic fracture, but not so  
much that I will need to immobilize you again. The rest of your  
pain can be blamed on a lot of old bruises and some damaged  
muscles that are going to take a bit longer to heal."  
  
"Damaged muscles too? Madam Pomfrey, am I even going to be able  
to walk?"  
  
"Yes, of course you will, Severus, as soon as your muscles and  
your pelvis fully heal it won't be too long before you will be  
able to stride down the halls as rapidly as you ever could, but  
you need to remember that you had something like a good sized  
tree fall on you. Mercifully, your leg bones are almost  
completely healed. We will need to work with your muscles a bit  
as they heal, but we can't start any of that until you regain  
some strength. Take one step at a time Severus."  
  
"I didn't realize all that, Poppy, no one has told me yet what  
happened. I don't remember. . . The last thing I knew was. . . I  
think. . . I think I remember the explosion, but nothing  
after."  
  
Poppy pours yet another potion into a glass and brings it to my  
lips. "Don't worry about it right now Severus. Here, this is for  
your pain. We need to get some food to stay in your stomach now  
so I can give you another Healing Potion. I'm also going to give  
you some Pepper-up Potion. You need to stay awake for a while so  
I can at least get some sweetened tea into you."  
  
"If you think all that will stay down, I'm willing to try,  
Poppy. Truthfully, I'm really not in a hurry to go back to sleep  
just yet."  
  
She nods and turns to pour the next potion into the glass and  
brings it to me as well.  
  
Minerva steps forward again. "Is there anything else I can do to  
help, Poppy?"  
  
"Yes there is Minerva, would you mind having a tray brought up  
for Severus, with tea and perhaps some soup and dry toast?"  
  
"I'd be glad to Poppy." Minerva turns to me and speaks gently.  
"Is there anything else you would like Severus?"  
  
I'm not even sure I will be able to handle what has been  
requested, though the potions I've just taken are not  
threatening to make a re-appearance.  
  
"No thank you, Minerva."  
  
She leaves with an unexpected expression directed at me. I  
realize it isn't pity that I see in her face, but friendly  
encouragement. It somehow makes me feel calmer.  
  
As soon as Minerva leaves, Poppy begins to untangle me from the  
covers and settle them over me again. I then realize, as Poppy  
slightly levitates me to pull the sheet from under my hips, that  
the covers are the only thing preserving what small shred of  
dignity I might have left. The only bit of clothing I'm wearing  
is an open-backed hospital gown and it too is twisted and  
bunched up until it covers very little. Discretely, Poppy  
straightens it out as well.  
  
"Perhaps I should have asked for my nightshirt?"  
  
She continues tucking the covers around me as she answers. "No,  
Severus, there are, shall we say, ~practical~ reasons you are  
wearing this gown until you can walk to the toilet on your own.  
I won't elaborate because I'm sure you can figure it out."  
  
I realize the reasons and flush with a bit of embarrassment  
again. "Hades hinges, I hate being so bloody ~helpless~."  
  
"Don't worry Severus. You are safe here. The Headmaster was  
adamant about bringing you directly here from St. Mungo's  
immediately after they were finished with your emergency  
treatment."  
  
I'm not sure if I really want to talk about the incident but I  
feel the need to ask. "Then, I wasn't brought directly here? You  
weren't the one who. . . who had to take my arm, are you?"  
  
"Thank goodness, no Severus. The report I read of your treatment  
said there wasn't much they could do besides cleaning and  
closing what was left."  
  
A shudder takes me at her words and the image they evoke. *Have  
I lost all control of myself?*  
  
"That is enough about that now, Severus. You might like to know,  
I thought the Headmaster was about to challenge the hospital  
administrator to a duel before they would release you to  
Dumbledore and myself. Dumbledore had apparated there as soon as  
he got word of what had happened and that you were close to  
dying but had been apparated to the Emergency Room. He floo-  
called me then to prepare to bring you back here. He was afraid  
that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named would be sending Death Eaters  
after you if we left you there."  
  
*Gods, the Dark Mark, why have I not seen that it is gone as  
well as my arm? Did the explosion scramble my brain entirely?*  
  
I pull my left arm from under the covers to stare at the  
bandages on it as if seeing my loss for the first time all over  
again. Poppy stops speaking, surprised by my sudden gesture.  
  
"Madam Pomfrey, is there ~any~ part of the Dark Mark left on my  
arm?"  
  
I didn't think there could be, it had been nearer my wrist than  
the part that remained.  
  
"No Severus, that was part of the reason Dumbledore feared for  
your life. He didn't know if You-Know-Who would be aware that  
you were no longer branded with his Mark.  
  
To Be Continued. . .  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I have already started chapter five so, hopefully, it won't take  
too long to get it up. If there is a delay, it is because I have  
another story that has been suffering while I work on this one  
and folks are beginning to beg for it to be updated too.  
Again, I have no time to answer individual reviews, but I hope  
everyone understands and takes my word that I truly appreciate  
every one of the reviews I receive. Thank you. (Oh, please  
review.) 


	5. A Small Setback continued

A High Price  
  
By: Barbara Kennedy  
  
Disclaimer: This story is a total creation of my mind but the  
characters belong to J.K. Rowling.  
The only thing I'm getting from this story is the fun of writing  
it and the kick of reading my reviews.  
  
It is Alternate Universe, so if anything I put in here doesn't  
match up with any of the books, tough luck, just take my word  
for it that it happened in this reality.  
  
This is going to be almost totally from Snape's point of view.  
I'm not sure where the story will end up yet either. It's a bit  
dark and angsty but maybe something good will come of it.  
  
To all my reviewers - Thank you all, you inspire me. Without all  
of you this story would be futile.  
  
Sorry - I really meant to get to the part about what happened  
the night of the fire, but the longer I wrote the more Severus-  
muse wanted to say and he made me write it, or he wasn't going  
to continue the story - pushy little muse. So this winds up  
being a "filler" chapter. I almost have the next part all  
written but it will have to be a separate chapter. At least it  
will be posted sooner than this one was. After that, this story  
may have to go on hold because I've promised some folks I'd  
write on my story "Learning To Live Again."  
  
*thoughts*  
~stressed words~  
  
** ** ** **  
Chapter five - A Setback continued  
** ** ** **  
  
(Continued from last chapter)  
"Madam Pomfrey, is there ~any~ part of the Dark Mark left on my  
arm?"  
  
I didn't think there could be, it had been nearer my wrist than  
the part that remained.  
  
"No Severus that was part of the reason Dumbledore feared for  
your life. He didn't know if You-Know-Who would be aware that  
you were no longer branded with his Mark.  
  
This revelation stuns me. It is possible that the Dark Lord  
knows. He always claimed he could sense things about his Death  
Eaters because we bore the Mark.  
  
When I had first turned away from his service, it always made me  
anxious that he would be able to tell, through whatever  
connection there may have been, that I was no longer the  
"faithful follower" he still believed me to be, that I was  
spying on him.  
  
As time passed I figured out that he could not sense everything  
about his Death Eaters from their connection to him through the  
Dark Mark, but he could sense some things.  
  
What could he sense about us through it? Perhaps it varies from  
individual to individual? He apparently could always sense, even  
if only vaguely, whether his marked Death Eaters were alive or  
not.  
  
I know this much only because I have been in his presence when  
he sensed the death of some of his men and lashed out at those  
he deemed responsible for their failure, myself included.  
  
I once thought it was that connection that allowed him to know  
when someone was lying to him. Now, however, I know that it is  
because he is an accomplished practitioner of both Legilimency  
and Occlumency.  
  
Fortunately, for me and for the sake of the Order, I am at least  
as powerful in their practice as the Dark Lord. Thanks to an  
inordinate amount of shear dumb luck, as Minerva would say, even  
under the torture of a Cruciatus Curse my inner shields are  
strong enough to block him.  
  
The night of the fire the Dark Lord may have thought, at first,  
that I ~had~ died when he could no longer sense me through my  
Dark Mark. If he sensed anything else about what happened to me  
then, he must have been convinced, especially if that dream is  
what actually happened. Merlin! I'm still shaking, just from  
thinking about it.  
  
However, by now it is very likely that news of my accident and  
disfigurement has gotten back to him either from some of his  
spies or from normal correspondence between Death Eater parents  
and their children here at Hogwarts. It has been almost a full  
week since it happened, plenty of time for all kinds of rumors  
to spread.  
  
My condition is surely not a secret, not if, as incredible as it  
seems, all four school houses actually cooperated in creating my  
new hand. I'm still amazed, although, I suppose if anyone could,  
that stubborn Gryffindor, Hermione Granger, would find a way to  
get them to cooperate, although she probably had more trouble  
getting her Gryffindor friends to help than she did with my  
Slytherins.  
  
Dumbledore said that he had announced to the whole school what  
happened to me. I know there are some students in Slytherin who  
would have written home immediately upon hearing the reasons for  
my unexpected absence. Lucius would know all about it by now,  
and if he knows, I could be sure that the Dark Lord knows.  
  
I am not sure whether it is those thoughts that make my stomach  
roll once again with nausea or if it is again the blow to my  
head causing it. It hits me again suddenly. I swallow hard and  
breathe carefully to control it.  
  
I am glad for once that Madam Pomfrey was still hovering nearby.  
"Poppy, would you mind getting me another dose of the tonic for  
my stomach? I'm feeling rather queasy again and would rather not  
endure a repeat performance from earlier."  
  
Madam Pomfrey hastens to my side, bringing a pan and placing it  
near my hand. It is obviously in case I do get sick again, so I  
won't have to lean over the edge of the bed.  
  
"Of course I don't mind, Severus. It will be good for you to  
have more of the tonic. The honey in it will give you some  
energy as well." She pours a much more generous amount into a  
glass than earlier and carefully helps me drink it slowly  
without moving my head more than necessary because any movement  
at all sends stabs of pain through my head and jolts of nausea  
twisting my stomach. I'm able to finish half the contents of the  
glass before I must stop.  
  
"That's all I think I better try for now Poppy. Let me see if  
this will stay down before I have any more."  
  
Poppy nods with a small smile and sets the glass on the tray.  
"You would know about that better than I would, just let me know  
when you are ready for more. I'm just happy to get ~any~ liquid  
into you for now, especially after you were sick. I do hope you  
can manage to eat some of the soup as well. You just lay quiet  
and still now and get some rest. The tray should arrive soon."  
  
I lay there with my eyes closed again, feeling much more aware  
than I have since the accident, in spite of the pounding in my  
head. I'm also glad to note that my stomach seems to have been  
soothed by the tonic. I don't feel as nauseous as I did.  
  
To pass the time and try to ignore my discomforts, I begin  
thinking about the consequences of what has happened to me and  
trying to fill in the gaps in my memory about the night of the  
fire.  
  
Foremost in my mind is a mortal dread of returning to the Dark  
Lord like this. With the Dark Mark no longer burned into my  
flesh, can he command me to return, or was the Mark burned into  
my very soul?  
  
I have no idea whether I will still feel the Dark Lord's summons  
or if I have been freed from that bondage. Yes, that is what it  
was, slavery to the slightest whim of a madman.  
  
I fear that my usefulness as a spy for Dumbledore's Order of the  
Phoenix has come to an end. The feasibility of resuming that  
task is so small as to be nonexistent.  
  
A sneer crosses my face as I lay there with my eyes closed. The  
Order of the Phoenix, isn't that a fine and noble-sounding name  
for a high-minded group of would-be martyrs? How typically  
Gryffindor they are.  
  
They barely acknowledge the fact that I also am a full member of  
the Order. When I ~was~ bringing them important information on  
the Dark Lord and his followers at the risk of my life, they  
would not even invite me to dine with them at their current  
"headquarters" in the home of that insufferable mongrel, Sirius  
Black.  
  
No, Black always made it abundantly clear that I was not welcome  
to stay in ~his home~ one moment longer than was necessary to  
deliver my information and answer any questions they had.  
  
Even if any of the other members made an invitation, I would  
decline, knowing that Black would find some way to provoke me  
into a fight before the evening was over. It was easy to guess  
who they would hang the blame on in that case, even if they had  
all witnessed the entire thing.  
  
Would they tolerate my coming to their meetings now that I  
couldn't bring them the only thing they really wanted from me?  
Especially since some still unfairly blame me for Black's death  
despite the fact that I did all I could to prevent it?  
  
Did I really want to fight them for that dubious privilege? Some  
part of me still says 'yes' and I briefly wonder why. Perhaps I  
still see the Order as my salvation? Do I actually still hope  
for acceptance, for trust, for. . . what. . . friendship? I  
suppose. . . where else am I going to find it?  
  
I am still overwhelmed each time I realize that I have  
Dumbledore's acceptance, trust and friendship. I now realize  
that I need not worry overmuch about my position here at  
Hogwarts.  
  
I realize how much I had overreacted; screaming at Dumbledore in  
the sudden realization of the loss of my hand and fear of  
helplessness. I would have a position here at Hogwarts, teaching  
Potions, as long as Dumbledore was Headmaster, as long as I was  
able, because he trusts me. I work hard to be worthy of that  
trust. Why won't others see that?  
  
Ye gods, next thing you know I'll be crying into my pillows. I  
must be affected more by the blow to my head than I thought. It  
must have truly addled my brain for me to be thinking such  
maudlin, pitiful thoughts.  
  
Perhaps it would be better to concentrate on why I can't  
remember why we were even there at that house that night. I do  
remember being there with three other Death Eaters, but our  
purpose escapes me. I could assume it was the usual reason of  
spreading terror among the muggles, but it doesn't seem to be  
all we were supposed to do. How much of that day ~have~ I  
forgotten?  
  
It is beginning to worry me because the harder I think about it  
the more it seems that there was something important I wanted to  
tell Dumbledore about that night, but I cannot remember. I am  
beginning to worry whether I just have some amnesia, or have I  
been Obliviated?  
  
Soon my troubled thoughts are interrupted by Minerva returning  
with the tray that Poppy had requested for me. I had not  
expected that she would bring it herself.  
  
Right behind her, Dumbledore enters, looking relieved to see me  
awake. "Severus, dear boy, are you alright? Minerva told me you  
had a nightmare earlier which caused you to fall and hurt  
yourself."  
  
I feel my face flush with embarrassment. "I'm fine sir, I just  
have a headache from landing on my head, but Poppy says I am not  
damaged otherwise."  
  
Poppy takes the tray from Minerva and places it near my bed.  
"That isn't quite what I said, Headmaster. I said he has a  
concussion, which can be serious enough on its own. All the more  
reason I really want to be able to give him another Healing  
Potion. He had a good meal earlier today, even though he lost  
part of it. If I can get him to eat a bit more now, I think I  
will risk giving him one."  
  
"Poppy, I have a suggestion. Perhaps it would work as well if I  
took the potion now, then I could possibly feel well enough to  
eat a meal."  
  
"Alright, Severus. I'm willing to do it your way only if you  
will promise me you will eat a full meal, not just the soup that  
Minerva has brought for you, but whatever I have brought up from  
the kitchen in the meantime as well."  
  
"I can only say I am willing to try Poppy. I have no wish to  
delay my recovery any longer than necessary."  
  
Madam Pomfrey gazes at me a moment. "Just let me get the potion  
then."  
  
Before any more could be said, I felt the need to tell  
Dumbledore of my worries. "Sir, I'm glad you are here. I've been  
going over the night of the fire. I want to tell you that I  
don't recall a lot of what happened that night, but I fear there  
~was~ something important I should have told you, but I cannot  
remember what it was. It is like I can almost remember, but it  
slips out of reach every time I try. I feel certain that it was  
a very important piece of information. I am worried that my  
memory may have been altered."  
  
To be continued. . .  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Well there it is. I hope it isn't just over seven pages full of  
garbage. Most of it was written after staying up way too late  
over several nights. I will try to be sure the next chapter has  
more substance. It will probably pick up again exactly where  
this one left off. 


	6. Relief

**A High Price**

By: Barbara Kennedy

Disclaimer: This story is a total creation of my mind but the characters belong to J.K. Rowling.

The only thing I'm getting from this story is the fun of writing it and the thrill of reading my reviews.

It is Alternate Universe, so if anything I put in here doesn't match up with any of the books, tough luck, just take my word for it that it happened in this reality.

This is going to be almost totally from Snape's point of view. It's a bit dark and angsty but maybe something good will come of it.

**A/N** - Hello folks, I really have not abandoned this story, though it may have seemed like it since it has been since about last year at this time when I last posted in it. Life gets complicated and Real-Life intrudes. . . .

It isn't as long as I wanted to make it and it still doesn't tell what happened the day of the fire, but I wanted to get a tidbit of what I have done up before someone decides the story has been abandoned. (It really isn't abandoned... I promise!)

I know it is nearly nothing, but I am working on the next full chapter. This just completes the scene, so to speak, from last chapter.

**Chapter six – Relief**

Before any more could be said, I felt the need to tell Dumbledore of my worries. "Sir, I'm glad you are here. I've been going over the night of the fire. I want to tell you that I don't recall a lot of what happened that night, but I fear there was something important I should have told you then, but I cannot remember what it was. It is like I can almost remember, but it slips out of reach every time I try. I feel certain that it was a very important piece of information. I am worried that my memory may have been altered."

Dumbledore settled himself into the chair beside my bed. He shook his head. "I have no fear that you have been obliviated Severus. The healers at St Mungo's warned us that you might possibly have some symptoms such as headaches and memory loss because you suffered some head trauma in the explosion. You had a severe concussion, at the very least. I can assure you, my dear boy that I personally checked you for any signs of  magical tampering when we got you settled here after they released you to us. There is a very good chance that anything you cannot remember right now will return to your memory with time. If it does not, well then, it can hardly be helped now, can it?"

He tilted his head to peer at me over those ridiculous glasses of his. I swear he wears the blasted things just so he can do that.

"It may already be too late for any information you may have had to still be of any use to us. It has, after all, been a week since the fire." He smiled and placed a hand on my shoulder. "I know it is difficult for you, but do not worry about it, Severus, just relax and allow yourself some time to recover."

I was vaguely comforted, but the feeling of anxiety was still there. I _hated_ not knowing.

It made me feel vulnerable for some reason.

Madam Pomfrey returned then with a small bottle of healing potion and carefully helped me to drink it all. "There you go Severus, now I insist you eat as much as you can manage. I have already asked for another tray to be brought up for you."

I felt better almost immediately after swallowing the potion. My vision cleared and all traces of my nausea disappeared. My head still ached but I could soon move my head without the room spinning and tilting around me. I also felt much more confident that I could keep down whatever food I managed to eat now. I actually _felt hungry_ again.

"That was a great help, I am not dizzy any longer."

Upon hearing that, Poppy propped me into a partially sitting position again, stuffing extra pillows behind me. She then settled the tray in front of me. "Now eat!" she commanded with a wicked grin on her face.

"Yes. . ._** mother**_."  I growled back at her with a frown.

"That's the spirit." she replied cheekily.

Albus smiled indulgently at me from the chair next to my bed. While I ate, he proceeded to tell me about the latest happenings in the potions classes in my absence.

TBC.

More is coming.

Even if it was my birthday today (November 14th ), I'm still trying to make myself get back to writing. I miss hearing from you and I know you all keep telling me you miss the story.

I want to thank everyone who has read this story, even if they haven't reviewed (though it _would _be nice to hear from them too.)


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